I'll Die The Day I find im fucking useless

So i went and saw Dillinger 4 in Chicago one of the few things in the past few years that i have been dying to do. It was honestly amazing. They played pretty much every song of theirs that i wanted to hear, except for SellTheHouseSellTheCarSellTheKidsFindSomeoneElseForgetItI'mNeveroComingBackForgetIt, which is definitely one of my favorites. But i guess while i was riding back on the train all alone at 2am in the morning it just didnt feel right and im not quite sure why so i guess thats when i started to write new thoughs. The reality is that i feel like im on cloud nine for a couple day then all the sudden i feel like im crashing back down to earth with back breaking speed which sucks. Oh well i guess the point is that today is stupid. I have just recently gotten back in touch with an old friend from cincinnati who is sweet as hell so i guess that i will try to hang out with him more. I am hungry and bored so i think that i will do something for my self at this point i have a feeling im not going to get what i want tonight but i think that can be remedied with company. Also i saw my friend joey cook last night at the empty bottle with dane. They are good but not exxactly my cup of tea i me dont get me wrong i like it all. but i guess im just not that into indie, dont really know why. There is some of it that i do like but as a hole i just dont really get into it. It was fun to go out though and see them and it was really nice to get to talk to him a bit. He seems to be doing tremendously i kinda always new that he had it in him but i just didnt know how to get ourselves on the same page. well to conclude i dont really know what i want any more but i know its not this moment.

Brainstems

So i have been thinking alot lately about how to be happy or what ever and what i have realized is that i have no fucking idea how to be happy. which is kinda scarry. I mean the thinking is that doing the things that you love to do should make you happy. But the reality is that i dont even know what i love. I love to play guitar and sing but if i do that for several hours i find that i get really bored with that too. Not that im saying that is abnormal. What im saying though is that i feel like everything that you do requires energy and eventually wears you out. I mean bordeom is just a lack of interest in what you are doing. It is possible to work past bordeom (which i cant fucking spell) but if you do that where the fuck is the fun. So surely if your not having fun then you are not happy, and if your not happy then why are you doing it. I guess the point that i have come to is that it is not possible to be happy all the time and be successful unless you can find a diffrent kind of happiness in working towards a future improvement. It works like this if you can see that altough i'm bored playing now i will get better if i keep doing it I will become good and when i am good i will be able to play what i want and the will bring me joy and make me happy. I guess this is all kinda stupid. I have been thinking about this alot because for the past two months i haven't done shit during the days. I mean that I would watch tv and or just do what ever all day and by the end of the day i would feel like shit. So I have found now that i have to do the things that are boring, so I am trying to figure out how to do them while still becoming happy.

here it is a again but it stings like the first time

EW. Quoting new alkaline trio lol. You won't see me doing that very often. These past couple days have been very busy not really doing much. since Sam has decided to take a step in a great direction and cut down on drinking, I am also cutting down on drinking. Also this is in part do to the fact that i don't have money to buy alcohol. I'm not quite sure what will happen when i do but for now i like being sober and not waking up hating my brain. Also this gives me even more time to read books and practice guitar. i think the most frustrating thing for me right now is that, although i am very good at guitar i still find it hard to write songs. This in turn has started to make me very jealous of Bob Dylan.
Now I know what your thinking, Bob Dylan ew gross, right, I have to say that he is not quite my favorite artist. So then you would have to ask well what makes you jealous of Bob Dylan, which i have asked myself. I realized that Bob Dylan was a horrible guitar player but still managed to write a ton of songs. This makes me jealous because I feel like I can play guitar better than he can but i can't write song that i like or am proud to make.
This is all kind of rambling. but anyways so last night these two kids ended up staying at my apartment, because the guy didnt go to Loyola and therefore could not be checked into the girls dorm from 2:00 am to 8:00 am. So i felt bad for them so as i was leaving Loyola for my house with Sam we saw them and i told Sam to ask them if they wanted to come. since they litterally had no where to go they decided to come, which ended up being quite a journey. But they were really greatful for the whole thing and ended up washing my dishes in the morning while i was still asleep. That was pretty awesome of them, honestly i was so stoked on them it was a really rewarding experience.
So i mean there is still hope for me at the moment that i will find a job. Its getting pretty bad here honestly but oh who knows honestly. i love it but i really want a fucking job like seriously. Well elishia is coming to visit me then right after that Evan will be coming up. That should be super tight. Also Sam won this AP contest where she got back stage tickets to the Less than Jake show. That will be fucking awesome like im seriously stoked.
if you get a minute check out a day to remebers cover of since you've been gone its pretty narly when he does the lows in the middle other wise its almost an exact cover. Well im out dilds so later

Hot n' Cold

so today i did some stuff its great and super duper. hope to get a job soon im keeping this one short cause i got shit to do and no time for this.

We'll Cross that bridge when we get there

So last night the Dopamines played in Elgin. i went out to see them despite the hour drive out to Elgin. It would have been alot easier of a drive if i had not continuously gotten lost over and over again. Anyways i ended up missing the show, or most of it, I got there in time to see The Breakdowns. The were good. The club was miserable though and it seemed that at any moment there would be a fight. There was even a shirtless guy standing out side in 12 degree weather. Also some kid who was a past fan of ICP came up to The Dopamines van while nick was finding me a marker, and proceeded to tell us a story about how he had seen a car burn at an ICP show. This was in refrence to jumper cables (he said that you should never use rubber ones cause they will potentially catch on fire and catch your car on fire). After this he asked if the dopamines had any jumper cables Nick said he had no idea so the guy just grabed a bag out of the back of the van door that has car shit in it and finds a pair of jumper cables and walks off with them.
Jon Weiner was feeling seriously ill and the dopamines had to head towards chicago to get home so they all decided to come back and stay in my basement dwelling place. This was cool cause they were the first people from Cincinnati that i had a chance to see since i moved up to Chicago. On another note picture this ever one of them except for Nick had come down with some form of the flu and their van heater broke. Exciting journey through the midwest with no heat in ten degree weather, I have heard of better plans. So when we got back JW passed out and i sat up talking to Nick and Michael for like an hour it was cool. The next day they all woke up eventually and we hit up the local Taco Bell (which by the way is the nicest Taco Bell i have ever been in or eaten at). We ate and talked for a bit. They all decided that they should cover some Stevie Wonder song lol. At some point in the conversation Nick mentioned the ICP guy in some relation to a cars burning. This where i realized that the ICP guy from last night had never returned the jumper cable. I asked nick about it and he also had no idea. This is where everyone realized that they were going to have to make a drive back to cincinnati in a van with a bad alternator with no jumper cables. So I said well don't you guys think you should stop some where and pick up some new ones. To this Jon replied We'll cross that bridge when we get there. They explained that this had become the tour motto, because when they were leaving Cincinnati one of their windsheild wipers had flown off and it was raining. Jon said to Michael do you think that we should pull over and get a new one to which Michael replied We'll Cross that Bridge when we get there. Oh good shit well i guess i should get back to doing nothing, you know seeing as its important lol. Later